Giving and Receiving Grace Freely
Recently I had to let a business associate know that I was changing course and wouldn’t be requiring their services any longer. I was nervous about having that conversation because we established not only a wonderful business relationship over time, but a friendship as well. Their response was so kind, understanding and genuine that I was blown away. The word that came to my mind immediately was grace. What a lovely feeling it is when you recognize that you received true grace in a situation.
I began to think about how important it is to show grace to one another. Grace is so powerful when you’re on the receiving end and you feel such gratitude. I thought I’d take a little deeper dive into what it means to receive grace, and perhaps just as important, to extend grace. Our example of course in scripture is the grace that has been given to us by God; “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Jesus Christ. For it is by grace you have been saved through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast”.
What then does grace mean in Christianity? It’s not earned or even deserved. It isn’t a reward for behavior or performance. Rather, it is divine favor in the salvation of sinners. That is a most gracious, valuable gift to those of us who accept it – from a good and loving God. Jesus was sent to the cross to die to save us from our sin - he didn’t deserve the suffering, but He suffered for our sake. We are to demonstrate grace to others as God has shown us grace.
In our current state of humanity, and because we are so wrapped up in ourselves, or want so much to hold on to the idea that we have been wronged, we find it difficult to extend grace. Conversely, we have also become so suspicious of others, that we are surprised when another person offers us grace.
What does it mean to extend grace? James 2:17-18: “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.”
Showing grace begins with forgiveness when we’ve been wronged. Whether forgiveness has been asked of us or not. I remember last year I was somewhere and treated badly. It hurt! I wanted to cry! But then… I chose love. I made a very conscious decision to love that person regardless of how I was feeling. I believe that the person was aware later of the treatment – but to this day has never said they were sorry. But I never needed the apology. Sure, it would be a salve to my soul – but my heart and my mind had as quickly as it was happening, and even afterwards, kept me from feeling anything but love for that person.
What is important to note is that mercy/forgiveness is a choice. When we remind ourselves what it is God says about wrongs that are done to us – we are equipping our mind and protecting it by following His instructions. This verse in I Corinthians 13:4-8, is often used at weddings, but is meant to be words to live by for all of us; “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”
Love keeps no record of wrongs. Every time we are tempted to re-play the wrongs done to us – real or perceived – we make it more difficult for us to keep no record. It is so freeing to choose to keep no record at all of wrongs. For me – when I’m tempted to “go there” with my mind, I choose instead to say out loud; NO I will not keep that record. It has been erased from my mental record keeping book. Just as our sins have been erased. The person that made me feel that way still to this day has no idea how crushed I was. Nor will they ever.
Something wonderful happens to us too when we show mercy and forgiveness, we experience great joy. I am joyful that I was able to move beyond the hurt. I am joyful that I have no ill feelings toward that person. Truly, the only reason I don’t is because of two things; forgiveness and choosing love. It was my choice. It is always my choice.
God gives us instruction for these things. Proverbs 16:20-22 so eloquently provides an example; “Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the LORD will be joyful. The wise are known for their understanding, and pleasant words are persuasive. Discretion is a life-giving fountain to those who possess it, but discipline is wasted on fools”.
Discretion is life-giving – the dictionary describes it as the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense. We can’t control how others treat us. We can, however, control how we respond. When God gives us instruction it is to help us avoid sin’s consequences. It is to help us live a full, healthy, and joyful life.
Love is a choice. Forgiveness is every bit a choice as unforgiveness. Overlooking an offense? Do it! 100 times a day if necessary. Just do it!
“A person’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is to a man’s glory to overlook an offense”. Proverbs 19:11
